Win a Free Book!  Send your best tips on how to deal with Fussy Eaters and go in the draw to win a free copy of the book Why Wont My Child Listen? So put your thinking caps on and share what works well in your house. The entry with the most original and innovative tips will be the winner. Judging by Janet Cater.   Competition closes Friday 17^th June at 3.00pm EST.  Entries within Australia only.  All you need to do is leave your tips here. 

Give positive, concrete suggestions. Let children know what to do rather than telling them what not to do. For example, instead of directing, “Don’t run,” state, “Walk.”  Instead of saying “Don’t hit, say remember your gentle touches”.  In the car say “ Seat belts on, hands to self, quiet voices”!

Make sure directions are easy to understand. Repeat them slowly or rephrase them in new ways. Remove distractions such as background noise so children can focus their listening skills.

Model good listening skills. Spend time with individual children tuning in to what they have to say and talking about their ideas. Good listening is crucial to processing and following directions.  Turn off your phone and actively listen to your child!

Share control. Ask children to help think of different ways to clean up or make transitions. They might come up with creative and unique directions for unexciting but necessary tasks. Use colour to “switch on” the listening part of their brain. You pick up the red blocks and I will pick up the blue block. Find something on your plate that is orange.

Avoid “over talking & over explaining!” Children will “switch off” the listening part of their brain!  Over explaining sounds like this. “I have told you not to run out on the road, it is very dangerous, a car may come along and hit you and hurt you,  and then you would have to go the hospital in the ambulance, I would be very sad, and Granny would be very sad . Instead “ Hold my hand and wait here with me.”

Make following directions fun. Play games to sharpen listening skills. Make transitions to new activities interesting by galloping like horses, jumping like kangaroos to go to the bath. Have fun with your kids!

For tips on how to switch on the motivational part of the brain, buy the book  Why Wont My Child Listen it is a great parenting resource.

Many parents find children do not listen and so become angry &  frustrated, often resorting to yelling and using a loud angry tone.   Sensitive children will be upset by this and become less co-operative. It is hard for children to respond to instructions instantly.   This is normal, especially for children under five years of age!

 Take a minute to understand what is going on for your young child. The child is absorbed in their world of make believe & pretend.  It takes a few minutes to move from their world to your world and gain their attention.  Children need time to transition from one activity to the next.  Transition time in child care centres and in the home is one that requires the most patience and skill from adults.  It is the time when many children “act out” as they do not like change.

 Let them know five minutes ahead of time that it is bath time, or time to get in the car or find shoes.  This is more respectful and more effective.  After five minutes walk over to a young child, get down to their level & say in a normal voice “Time to find your shoes”. Gain eye contact as well.  Children under two need 15 seconds “delay” to compute your instruction.  So say it once, count to 15 slowly (in your head) before repeating it.

A fun way to get a child to move happily from one activity to the next is to sing a little song.  Try one for packing away eg “pick it up, put it up, pack away time is here”. This works really well as it pulls the child from left brain overly focused (I  am  busyplaying with my blocks) to right brain big picture. (I can listen now).  This really does work!  For more on this buy the book Why Wont My Child Listen it is a great resource for parents.

I received this comment from Su, a parent and child care teacher who subscribes to my newsletter.  I hope this story will help others!

“I enjoy reading your newsletter and we often put parts of it into our newsletters at our Centre. As a parent of 3 children who wet the bed, including a nearly 5 year old that wets badly during the day I wanted to alert you to my situation… I have tried really hard to find professional help with day and night wetting, especially with my daughter who wets during the day. I starting looking for help 18 months ago, my GP told me she would grow out of it and reluctantly gave me a referral to a paediatrician. He ordered an ultra sound ruled out an infection and said it was genetic we will watch it and she will be fine.  I was so upset and finally I found continence Australia who was very helpful.” 

“I have since seen a community nurse who is a specialist in this area and now a private nurse who comes to my house. It is just a constant struggle in our house and it is not known that there is no help out there for people who want to seek professional help. Su, Parent, Sydney.

 And from the professional, Charmaine who assisted Su!

Number for parents to ring for assistance with childhood bladder or bowel problems is the Continence Foundation of Australia Helpline on 1800 330066.  They will refer to the local nurse continence adviser or continence clinic and post out information at no cost. : http://www.continence.org.au

 I see children in their own home environment instead of a clinic setting. I see children over 3 years with bowel problems, over 4 years with day wetting and over 5 years with night wetting. Charmaine Bryant, Nurse Continence Consultant, Sydney Continence Service, MessageBank: 823 00415   Mobile 0403 530893

More on this topic next week!

  It is easy to become caught up in a round of activities that eat up free time. Everyone sets themselves up as experts, and parents often become confused with how many activities to select and how regularly their child should attend. The outcome of this can leave the family with very little unstructured leisure time. Everyone needs time to “veg” out. It is important that we do not set children up to believe that every minute of their waking day should be planned and filled with adult-driven , organised activities. These include: soccer, rugby, cricket, netball, hockey, kindy gym, humtpy dumpty, chess, music and ballet to name a few!

Children need time at home to play child oriented and make-believe  games with their siblings and family.  It is through this kind of play that long term bonds are formed between siblings.  These bonds last well into adult life and allow close and meaningful realtionships to be formed.  These games also encourage creative thinking from where intelligence is born. Allow time for children to just play!

As a rule of thumb, here is a guide to the number of extracurricular activities a child should ideally undertake depending on age:

0-5 years None are necessary (just being being able to play is all they need)

5-7 years One per week

7-12 years Two per week

As well as considering the financial reserves in your family consider your emotional and physical reserves before committing to activities. Remember it is your decision not your child’s!  Of course they will tell you they “like” the activity, this does not mean it is necessarily the right choice for the child and the family.   Most kids love chocolate but parents do not allow unlimited consumption of chocolate each week.

All that rushing to and fro is exhausting for parents as well as children ! If children are unable to amuse themselves at home and are constantly looking to you the parent as a source of entertainment the chances are there is too much stimulation outside the home. Children need to learn ways to rely on their own inner resources for entertainment and to “feel good” from within. Teenagers, bored by over use of these activities from young ages may seek inappropriate, unsafe external entertainment and stimulation.

Young children need to be able to spend some time alone every day & enjoy quiet time. They need time for creative play & creative thinking. So how about revising those busy schedules and cutting back!

For more on this topic buy the book “Why Wont My Child Listen?”  It is a great parenting resource.
See Chapter 16

I will be addressing this topic in two parts.   Later this week I will post Part 2 with a parents’ story and where  she can found relevant help.

This can be annoying, frustrating and very time consuming for busy parents. Wetting the bed at night (nocturnal enuresis) is very common in young children. In fact, it is normal up to the age of five years. It does pass!

Remember:

• About 50% of all three-year-olds and about 10% of five-year-olds wet their beds.
• Most children who wet the bed have no physical or emotional problems.

Two types:

• The child who has never been dry for more than a few months at a time (primary nocturnal enuresis).
• The child who has been completely dry for more than 6 months and then starts to wet the bed again (secondary nocturnal enuresis).

Causes .

• 60% of children who wet the bed produce more urine during sleep than other children.
• Fluid restriction in the evening doesn’t prevent the episode from occurring.
• Because it happens during sleep the child has no conscious control over it.
• It may be your child has worms! (This was the case recently with one of my Grandchildren!)

What can you do to help?

• Reassure your child, especially if your child is upset. You need to be patient and understanding, even though you may feel angry.
• Try a night-light.
• Encourage a good night’s sleep. A restful sleep without interruptions is best for your child. Waking your child to go to the toilet during the night will not help solve the problem.
•  Encourage your child to have plenty to drink, particularly during the day.

When should you seek some professional help?

• If your child is still wetting the bed after the age of about six or seven, and the child is unhappy or uncomfortable about it.

Remember!

• Bedwetting happens during sleep.
• Children can’t decide not to do it. Be patient!
• Most children grow out of it.
• It may be worms!

Please consult with your doctor, chiropractor or other health professional to make sure this information is right for your child.

 WHY WON’T MY CHILD LISTEN? — There’s hardly a parent since time began who hasn’t uttered that cry.  Well, here’s a book to help you answer this question!  Written by experts in early childhood development and psychology, Why Won’t My Child Listen? presents an entirely new approach to parenting in the 21st century.

 The key to raising happy, confident children with healthy self-esteem is understanding how their minds work —from birth onwards. This book explains the workings of the brain and, using the principles of Brain Gym, shows you how you can encourage your children to grow into happy, well-adjusted teenagers, along with advice and practical tools on how to improve communication, nurture their spirit and build self-esteem.

The book also covers ways to validate feelings, how to establish rules and boundaries and the importance of play. Lisa, a primary school teacher describes the book as “One of the best books about children I have ever read”.

 Go to my face book www.facebook.com/janetbcater  and click  “like”,  to win a free copy of  the book Why Wont My Child Listen?  Once we have received 75 likes we will randomly draw a winner!  Good Luck!

Some children may refuse to give up the bottle because they enjoy the “comfort” it gives them. However when children are around 12 months of age parents must assist them to let go of the bottle.

Nutritionist Leanne Cooper says: “Generally sipper cups are recommended at the time of starting solids. Babies’ kidneys aren’t as adept as ours so they need a little water to help. Using water can help reduce constipation and starting out with a nice stage one sipper cup is better for dentition. Ideally by 12 months bottles should no longer be required. Research suggests the prolonged use of bottles particularly with formula or milk washes the teeth with sugars which can promote tooth decay. In addition bottles do not assist jaw or speech development.”

Leanne Cooper is a nutritionist, mum and nutrition adviser to Huggies. You can access more nutrition information for your little one by visiting http://www.cadencehealth.com.au

In order to build healthy bones and teeth children need to receive appropriate nutrition from other sources. By continuing to allow them to have the bottle, parents are inadvertently preventing children from having the calcium and other nutrients now required. Be strong, firm and know they will forget about the bottle in a matter of days.

Tips for weaning your child from the bottle:-

• Reduce the number of bottles gradually over a few weeks.

• At the same time decrease the volume of milk in each bottle.

• When children are down to only one small bottle a day they gradually become more interested in eating more solids.

• During this period give the bottle after the meal so you do not spoil the child’s appetite.

• Completely dispose of the bottle or hide it well away from sight.

• Tell your child the bottle has gone.

• Tell your child they no longer need a bottle and that the bottle is only for little children.

• Allow your child to see you throw the bottle away (or if you feel that gives a message of wastefulness then give it away to someone who may need a spare bottle).

• Remain firm and know you are doing the right thing by your child in doing this.

Many parents struggle with bed time and even refer to it as “the witching hour”!  Children call out for a drink of water, want yet another story, and demand more food. Parents feel frustrated and exhausted!  All are delaying tactics to stave off the inevitable……..time for sleep! Parents need respite from children to re-charge their batteries and all children need their sleep. Most young children need to be in bed and asleep by 7.30pm; however young children who still have a day time sleep may still be up after this time and should be encouraged to play quietly while other siblings are trying to go to sleep.

It is really important to establish a bed time routine. Once this is established children will feel safe and calm as they know what to expect and evenings will flow smoothly. Try to be consistent as children are less likely to push boundaries and test limits if they know what to expect.
Children resist sleep for many reasons:-

• They may want more time with Mum & Dad;
• They may be over stimulated or excited from playing;
• They may have eaten sugar… ice cream, sweet biscuits or lollies;
• They may be overstimulated from watching T.V or a DVD;
• They may feel genuinely scared or frightened to be in their room.

However there are many things you can do to assist your child to settle to sleep happily. Children can be over stimulated by watching T.V. or DVDS in the afternoon and evening. Television can over-stimulate children and anything with adult themes should be avoided. In particular do not allow young children to watch the news. By eliminating television viewing from the afternoon and evening children will be more relaxed, calm & settled.

By ensuring children have low GI lunch and afternoon tea they will have more available energy to eat dinner, listen and be co-operative. Sugar laden foods such as cordial and ice cream can cause children to be “hyped” and have difficulty settling to sleep. Fear of monsters or the dark can also play havoc.

If your routine in the early evening is not working then change it! You may need to bring everything forward by 15 – 30 minutes. You may simply need to plan bath before dinner. By slightly re-vamping the routine you may have more co-operative children.
Tips for calm bedtime:-

• Establish a routine and be consistent. 
• Spend time playing child centred games with your child every day.
• Avoid rough & tumble play before bed time.
• Serve low GI food for afternoon tea & dinner. Avoid watching T.V. and videos in the afternoon and evening.
• Avoid high sugar foods including cordial and ice cream(substitute with unsweetened yoghurt & fruit).
• Have a set number of stories each evening and stick to it. 

 For children who feel scared try this one:- Sit in the doorway without talking and read a book until your child drops off to sleep. Tell your child you will go away if they talk. This reassures your child and helps them to relax & drop off to sleep. Takes only 5 minutes, instead of an hour of calling out! This phase will pass.

Suggested Bedtime Routine for 4-7 year olds

• 3.30 Low GI Snack
• 5. 15 – 5.30 Low GI Dinner
• 6.00 Bath
• 6.45 2 Stories
• 7.00 Lights out

If children are resisting the bath it is OK.  They do not have to have a bath every night.  However immersion in water can calm children.  Sometimes bath before dinner is a good idea.

A client called last week desperate for help with bed time.  She applied some of these strategies I suggested and that day noticed a big improvement!

Circuit Breakers for babies
Humming Om……. just behind the ear on the bone. Start louder than their cry & bring your volume  down.  As the child softens their cry you soften your oommm.  By starting louder you give them a little shock which acts a as circuit breaker. This really works!! Hold baby firmly. Body language tells the bub you are in control. By doing this, along with the ooomom you are shutting out the rest of the world,  you are earthing and grounding the bub with Mum/Dad.

Ensure the room is dark and quiet.

Wrap baby hard & tight, up to 5 months. Secure tightly under sheet using rolled up wraps at  each  side to anchor. 

Sing a song. The same song each time (not a nursery rhyme, a wiggles or play school  one which will stimulate & wake up the brain) something soothing and soft. This creates a rhythm or routine for the baby. The baby will think…….. I know what to do when I hear that song; I relax & go to sleep.

Emergency essence from Australian Bush Flower Essences dabbed on temples & inside wrists will help settle. Take some yourself as you may be upset, tired, distracted and not tuned into the bub. Children will take the drops orally from two years of age but as it has a small amount of brandy in it, does not taste so good for bubs. 

Change the temperature technique. Give a little shock eg hot summer night, place a cold washer on the forehead. It is a swift and a quick change. In cold weather place a warm washer.

Hot summer night walk outside, onto the balcony, garden —never underestimate the effect of nature on calming children. Talk to the dog /cat/look at the trees.

Bath any time! Water calms children.

It is vital to establish a routine as this helps children to feel safe & secure.

I appreciate that this advice will not work for all families. Many parents both work full time, returning home after 6.30pm most evenings. Others are single parents or shift workers. Whatever your situation or hours of work children will benefit from a routine. So please contact me if you need assistance with establishing a routine that works for your family.

02 9939 3732

 I was recently asked if three years of age is too young to receive pocket money.  I feel three years of age is too young to receive pocket money. Children this age have very little understanding of money and until that understanding is in place they are too young to understand & appreciate it. One of the reasons given for considering pocket money was friends the same age are receiving it.  For this parent I suggested this would be the first of many instances where she may need to say to no to the child and not be influenced by external influences to the family unit. 

 There are many different schools of thought on this subject.  It is important to decide with your spouse/partner what sits best with your values and then make the decision. Once the decision has been made, tell the children. Use language such as “in this family you get pocket money when you are 10”, or 12 or 8 (or whatever you & your spouse/partner decide.Make decisions that sit comfortably with your core values and are not be influenced by your friends.  Core values are important and you need to use these as a guide.

 I have heard of two systems regarding pocket money.  A money box/container is divided into three sections.  Pocket money is divided equally between these sections.  Sections are labelled: spend now, saving, never spend.  The first one is obvious and can be used for ice blocks and other small things.  The second section encourages a child to save to buy something, such as a piece of Lego or a surf board. The third section will be banked and once a larger amount accumulates it will go into an investment account. This is never to be touched. 

 The second system is based on the first with a fourth section labelled “charity”.  When people door knock asking for donations children can choose to give to that charity or keep it for their favourite charity.  There may be a charitable cause at school to which they would like to contribute.   This is encouraging children to care for others in the wider community, to be a contributor and to develop feelings of empathy and caring.

 These systems would work with children from say six or seven years of age.  Parents need to decide if there are conditions attached to receiving pocket money.Some parents I know have certain tasks they expect their children to do without receiving pocket money.  These jobs are part of belonging to a family and a team, for example making the bed, feeding a pet, clearing the table.  Other jobs are done for pocket money, for example mowing the lawn, taking out garbage bins, vacuuming the car. 

 I believe it is important for young children to learn to contribute around the home in small ways without receiving a reward! This way they are learning to co-operate, to take responsibility, to be helpful and considerate, and to be a member of a wider community.

 Another question often asked is ‘how much pocket money is appropriate?’  Again, this is up to your personal values and circumstances.  Some families I know do the child’s age time ten cents per day so an 8 year old would get 80c per day, or $5.60 per week.  Others I know, with older children give significantly more – they call it an ‘allowance’ and the children are expected to buy their own clothes and pay for entertainment. 

 It is entirely up to you to decide what is right for your family.