A parent at one of my recent wine & cheese evenings asked “How do I keep my child safe now she is off to school next year? I cannot be with her all the time.”
There is a marvellous program in Australia known as the Protective Behaviours Program. It was brought into Australia from the USA by the New South Wales police to replace the Stranger Danger Program. It recognises (sadly) that many children are harmed by their own families and those close to them.
Used both in home and school it will help to develop very confident children with self-good self esteem. It sets children up with particular skills and tools to deal with any difficult situation they may come across.
These situations may be teasing in the classroom or bullying in the playground. It may be what to do if you are five years old and have forgotten lunch. Ultimately it equips children to be confident, self assured assertive and able to deal with conflict or difficult situations in the home and later on as adults in the work place
The theme as it is taught to the younger children is: “We all have the right to feel safe.” and “when I fell scared I can find someone to talk to.” You can teach these themes at home.
This program then begins to help children get in touch with their feelings and emotions and to discover how they experience these feelings in the body. Games are played around running fast on the spot, then noticing how fast their heart is beating. Discussions, which can also help develop confident children with self esteem, are based on what may happen inside your body when you are excited or scared. The children are then asked about what makes them scared. Most very young children proudly reply nothing. So then the program often has to introduce role models.
When I am running the program, I tell the children that what makes me scared is climbing up a ladder. I tell the children I find being up high on a ladder scary and describe to the children what happens in me. My hands get clammy and my tummy feels like a washing machine. I stress that everyone is different. Children then get the idea and come up with all sorts of explanations such as “I get butterflies in my tummy”
Stories are also frequently used to illustrate fear, so when, for example, teddy gets left outside in the dark alone, you may say at the end of the story “How do you think the teddy felt being left outside?” Children will then come up with “scared, frightened, and lonely.” After another story, “How did Johnny feel when his brother trod on his caterpillar?” they may reply “angry, annoyed, and frustrated.”
The children are then asked to liken their bodies to an ambulance with the red light and the siren. They are warning signs and similarly the body has “early warning signs” including sweaty palms, racing heart, wobbly legs, hairs standing up on the back of neck. Children learn to describe these.
The program is based on the premise that parents cannot be with their children twenty-four seven. So they are equipped to know when they are feeling scared (experiencing those early warning signs) and ultimately in an uncomfortable or dangerous situatioThe second part of this theme is “when I feel scared, I can find someone to talk to.” So next they learn about Networking.
This part sets the children from as young as three years of age up with a network hand. A hand is drawn and on it the child writes the names of various adults with whom the children feel safe and whom they can seek out if they have a problem. Family members are all written on the thumb, and other adults on the fingers.
For this activity you can also draw a train with carriages for very young children, though I prefer the idea of the hand because your hand is always with you! The child must think up the names. It is not about whom you think might be good. Quite often they choose the most unexpected people.
Songs and games can also be used to reinforce the themes, particularly around asking someone for help and persisting until someone listens to you. Puppets can be used to demonstrate how. For example, Koala Kim has to tell five different animals her problem until finally someone really listens to her and helps to solve the problem. Better to use this “one step removed” style than giving children scary examples such as what if you forgot your lunch” or “what if someone offered you a lift home”. Role modelling is also good. Allow your child to see you call your sister to talk and receive comfort and advice when you are worried or upset. Talk about your own network hand.
From a very early age you can teach the child to say “stop it, I do not like it.” Often even friendly tickling by Mum or Dad changes from feeling good to that’s enough. So empower your child to use these words.
Teach your child your phone number or set them up with phone cards so they know you are always available should they need you.
Brainstorming skills are also another vital part of this empowering program. This can be taught every day in many ways. When brainstorming, remember there are no wrong answers, just allow the ideas to flow and then discuss or discount after the brainstorming session has finished. A brainstorming session may go something like this….. Imagine Johnny has arrived home from school one day and the house is locked. What could he do?
So you start to brainstorm ideas and actually write them down. Some of the ideas of what Johnny could do are:-
- Go next door
- Sit and wait till Dad gets home from work
- Break a window to get in
- Burn the house down
- Go back to school
So we write down all the ideas and then discuss them. Ask what would happen if you burnt the house down? Well, replies the seven year old Tom, the fire-engine would come with a big ladder and get me into the house! Obviously not a very good idea, but nevertheless, an idea. As we continue the discussion the child sees for himself the best solution. Having practised and developed this skill, your child will quickly brainstorm and sort out the ideas to come up with an excellent solution if he finds himself in a difficult situation.
You can use this technique with day to day fun activities like…..
Let’s brainstorm ideas for Grandpa’s birthday present, food to take on the picnic,what to take to the beach, where to go for holiday, what to have for dinner tonight. All sorts of things like that. During these sessions it is important to encourage children to express what they like as well as what they do not like. This also develops very confident children with healthy self-esteem.
I recommend parents and teachers make enquiries from the nearest branch of the Protective Behaviours Association and obtain literature and books for their home and school.
For more on this topic buy the book “Why Wont My Child Listen?” or call Janet 99393732 to book a workshop in your home, school or workplace on this or any other topic.
Choosing snacks for young children