Pocket Money—what age is right?

I was once asked if three years of age is too young to receive pocket money.  The question was posed as the child concerned had friends that age who were receiving pocket money.  I feel that three years of age is too young to receive pocket money. Children this age have very little understanding of money and until that understanding is in place they are too young to understand & appreciate it.

 One of the reasons given for considering pocket money was the friends the same age receiving it. For this parent I suggested this would be the first of many instances where as a parent she may need to say to no to the child and not be influenced by external influences to the family unit. 

 There are many different schools of thought on this subject.  It is important to decide with your spouse/partner what sits best with your values and then make the decision. 

 Once you have decided tell the children. Use language such as “in this family you get pocket money when you are 10, or 12 or 8 (or whatever you & your spouse/partner decide).  Similarly “in this family we turn TV off for dinner.”

 It is necessary to make the decisions that sit comfortably with your core values and not to be influenced by your friends.  Core values are important & you need to use these as a guide.

 I have heard of three systems regarding pocket money that I think would work well for some readers.  Have a money box/container divided into three sections.  When the child receives the pocket money then it is divided equally between these sections.  The sections are labelled: spend now, saving, never spend.  The first one is obvious and can be used for ice blocks, and small things the child may like.  The second section is encouraging a child to save to buy something, such as a piece of Lego, a surf board or skate board.  The third section will be banked and once the child has accumulated a larger amount then it will go into an investment account and parents teach the child this is never to be touched. 

 The second is based on the first with a fourth section labelled “charity”.  When people come door knocking children can choose to give to that charity or keep it for their favourite charity.  They may have a cause at school and choose to donate some of their own money.  This is encouraging children to care for others in the wider community, to be a contributor and to develop feelings of empathy and caring.

 The third involves placing a small bag or box in the kitchen.  Inside are small laminated cards you have made with relevant daily tasks designed to help your family get out the door! eg open blinds, turn off lights, make Mum’s bed, wipe down sink, empty kitchen rubbish, feed dog, empty dishwasher etc.

 Once children are ready to go to school having dressed, eaten breakfast, brushed teeth, made bed and packed school bag; they may take one card from the special bag. They may only choose the same job three days in a row. When they have completed the task the card is placed on a chart   beside their name.  The parent then can see who has done the job and comment at the end of the day if necessary. (Well done the sink was sparkling, or perhaps you could take a little more care next time). The child is rewarded by the parent who places a shell in the child’s jar.  At the end of the week the shells are traded for coins!

Not only does this allow the children to receive pocket money, it motivates them to get ready quickly in the morning so they can choose their special task.  If they are slow getting ready then they miss out!

 If children need more money then they can tackle some larger tasks.   A list is displayed with larger tasks and a $ value beside it. So if your child asks for more money or “needs” more money for something special they can be directed to the Special jobs list!  e.g., mow lawn $7.00, wash car $5.00, and sweep driveway $4.00.

 I love this last one! It was devised by a busy Mum who has 6 kids!!

All these systems would work with children from say six or seven years of age.  Parents would need to decide if there are conditions attached to receiving pocket money.

It is important that young children learn to contribute around the home in small ways without receiving a reward. This way they are learning to co-operate, to be helpful & considerate, to take responsibility and to be a member of a wider community.

Many parents come to me about their nine year old.  They notice some changes and often describe them as having “attitude”, in particular towards Mum!  Lamenting, where had my lovely child gone?   I love the quote from William Froebel “seek first to understand.” I often ask the question what is causing this behaviour, what is going on for this child right now?

 I recently came across these notes from a class teacher teaching at a Rudolph Steiner school

 “Profound changes occur between 9 and 12. The ninth year is a mid way point.  Now they “view” the world rather than being within the world” They may feel they want to return to being a younger child – baby language, or playing with toys that belonged to their younger years. They long to be understood and loved. In this loneliness they find themselves experiencing –and experience self.

They add up the adults in their life and find them “wanting”. Weaknesses are noticed and they may test authority in a new way.  The child of 9 can be critical, sensitive, rebellious, cheeky, disobedient, or even aggressive. Self doubt may emerge. “I am stupid” or “I have no friends”. There may be family crisis or they may have a moment of self awareness that is never forgotten.  Death becomes something real and they

Many parents come to me about their nine year old.  They notice some changes and often describe them as having “attitude”, in particular towards Mum! Lamenting where had my lovely child gone?   I love the quote from William Froebell “seek first to understand.” I often ask the question what is causing this behaviour ellmay ask what will happen when their parents die/.  This is all part to of experiencing themselves as an “I”.

 The nine year old feels they are growing apart form the world, becoming separated, and begin to question all that was previously taken fro granted. Questioning is accompanied by a serious interest in the practical world. “How is a house built” “Where does my food come from?”

 This growing sense of self as something apart form everything else brings feelings of loneliness and insecurity.  It can also bring a certain joy in solitude. They test authority because they want to know that it exists and stand firm, creating safety in this now uncertain world.”

 It is important for both parents to be on the same page in regards rules and boundaries and for both parents to speak respectfully to one another so children have good role models.

I just visualise these children being torn between wanting to be that little child again and looking forward to teenage years & adulthood. A mixture of longing, scary & excitement!

I hope this may shed some light on this issue for you; it was a timely reminder to me about how lonely these nine year olds sometimes feel and how much love & support they need!

 I just visualise these children being torn between wanting to be that little child again and looking forward to teenage years & adulthood. A mixture of longing, scary & exciting!  

 I hope this may shed some light on this issue for you; it was a timely reminder to me about how lonely these nine year olds sometimes feel and how much love & support they need!

Some parents find it really difficult to get out the door in the morning. This can be frustrating for the whole family and particularly for those Mums and Dads who have to drop littlies off at long day care and be at work on time. Recently some parents described having diffiulty waking their children in the morning. This is a sure sign children are tired!

What time do you put your child to bed ?

There is no hard and fast rule as each child is different. However children six years and under usually need 12 hours sleep. So if you are putting your children to bed at 8.30pm and aking them at 6.45 they are not getting sufficient sleep. Try to have young children in bed by 7.00pm.

What about dinner?

In long day care children are given 75% of their daily nutritional needs, so in the evening you need only give them a light meal such as a boiled egg with toast, a sandwich, some baked beans with toast or a bowl of tastysoup.

Are you rushing your child?

Children do not like being rushed so try to slow the morning routine down. Children’s reactive behaviour can be caused by too much ‘busy-ness!’ They are bewildered and intimidated by too much change and sometimes dig in their toes. Often our lifestyle is so hectic and busy, with adults trying to fit so much into each day that children, being rushed from pillar to post, can end up feeling overwhelmed and resentful.

It’s better to give children some warning before a change of environment or activity, for example when you are leaving the house, or preparing to get into the car. This is known as ‘transition time’ and can ‘trigger’ negative behavior. You can prevent reactive behavior by giving the child a warning shortly before leaving. Be specific about what is happening: “I am putting on my shoes because we will be leaving in five minutes,” or “When the timer goes off we will be walking out the door, would you like to set the timer, or shall I?”

Make Mornings Fun!

When it is time to go to the kitchen for breakfast, children love to walk like an elephant, fly like a fairy, crawl like a baby or march like a soldier. They enjoy listening to songs, stories and music when traveling in the car. These are readily available from your local library and can be changed every few weeks to maintain their interest.

The motivational part of the brain can be switched on by playing up-beat music or making up a song set to a familiar tune. For example, you to could sing: “Let’s all get dressed, get dressed, get dressed right now.”

For older children play some rousing, rhythmic rock music and say, “Let’s see how quickly we can get dressed today.”

You could mention a color, for instance: “Let’s wear something red today”? This also swithes on the motivational part of the brian.

Tips for Morning Sanity!

• Children to bed early
• Wake them gently
• Avoid Rushing
• Have fun
• Give warnings
• Avoid Shouting
• Slow Down
• Help your child with dressing & breakfast
• Allow plenty of time
• Switch on the motivational part of the brian
• Use pictorial charts
• Use the Launch Pad!

For more information on “switching on the brain” buy the book “Why Won’t My Child Listen?” from my website

I was invited to speak on  Radio ABC 702  this morning with Linda Mottram regarding children being driven to school rather than walk or ride to school. (See headline SMH today)

We discussed how it is hard for some parents to get out the door in the morning and as a  consequet many parents drive their child to school choosing  the quicker & easier option.

I recognise some parents do not have any choice.  However, if you have trouble getting out the door in the mornings look at the organisation at your house.  Set up a visual chart depicting the steps needed for your  young child to follow in the mornings. Show: getting dressed, making bed, eating breakfast, cleaning teeth, brushing hair. Try get out of bed 10 minutes earlier!

A great tip I shared on the radio was one I learnt from my daughter. Set up a “Launch Pad” near the front door. Have your children place their school bags on the launch pad the evening prior to the school day. Ensure you have out the “extra’s” your child may need for tomorrow. e.g., violin, tennis racquet, library book, craft bag. Encourage children to re-fill their drink bottles. Talk to your child about launching the rocket ship the next morning and maybe even have the countdown, 10, 9, 8, ……0 Blast Off! Have a blast off time. Make it fun!  As with all things involve your child in the process so they have ownership of the task.  Once you have done this for a year or two you will have established good habits and routines for older children.

Remember early to bed and plenty of rest will ensure a smoother morning. Most young children require 12 hours sleep.

Peta called in and shared that she drives half way  to school & then walks the rest of the way with her son for the second half. What a great compromise for those who live just a bit too far to walk! Children who are encouraged to walk or ride to school, or catch the bus will enjoy better health, and be more independent and resilient.

Wanted to share this lovely feedback I received by email this week!

“Just wanted to say thank you for your talk at Bear n Joey last week.
I read your book some months ago & I can’t express how helpful I have found it. And I’ve read many books!

I find that when things seem a little out of hand, I spend just a little time reading it & I feel inspired & calmed…and things almost instantaneously flow smoothly again. In lots of ways the book is about me more so than the child, and so for me its been a book called “why wont my parent hear me”….
So thanks again.

All the best, Linda….parent…. Northern Beaches

Most kids plug into the world of television long before they enter school. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation (KFF):

Two-thirds of infants and toddlers watch a screen an average of 2 hours a day

Kids under age 6 watch an average of about 2 hours of screen media a day, primarily TV and videos or DVDs

Kids and teens 8 to 18 years spend nearly 4 hours a day in front of a TV screen and almost 2 additional hours on the computer (outside of schoolwork) and playing video games

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that kids under 2 years old not watch any TV and that those older than 2 watch no more than 1 to 2 hours a day of quality programming.

The first 2 years of life are considered a critical time for brain development. TV and other electronic media can get in the way of exploring, playing, and interacting with parents and others, which encourages learning and healthy physical and social development.

As kids get older, too much screen time can interfere with activities such as being physically active, reading, doing homework, playing with friends, spending time with family, and getting enough quality sleep.

Kids who view violent acts are more likely to show aggressive behavior but also fear that the world is scary and that something bad will happen to them.

TV characters often depict risky behaviors, such as smoking and drinking, and also reinforce gender-role and racial stereotypes.

That’s why it’s so important for you to monitor the content of TV programming and set viewing limits to ensure that your kids don’t spend too much time watching TV.

Violence

To give you perspective on just how much violence kids see on TV, consider this: The average American child will witness 200,000 violent acts on television by age 18. Kids may become desensitized to violence and more aggressive. TV violence sometimes begs for imitation because violence is often promoted as a fun and effective way to get what you want.

Many violent acts are perpetrated by the “good guys,” whom kids have been taught to emulate. Even though kids are taught by their parents that it’s not right to hit, television says it’s OK to bite, hit, or kick if you’re the good guy. This can lead to confusion when kids try to understand the difference between right and wrong. And even the “bad guys” on TV aren’t always held responsible or punished for their actions.

Young kids are particularly frightened by scary and violent images. Simply telling kids that those images aren’t real won’t console them, because they can’t yet distinguish between fantasy and reality. Behaviour problems, nightmares and difficulty sleeping may be a consequence of exposure to media violence.

Older kids can also be frightened by violent depictions, whether those images appear on fictional shows, the news, or reality-based shows. Reasoning with kids this age will help them, so it’s important to provide reassuring and honest information to help ease fears. However, consider not letting your kids view programs that they may find frightening.

Obesity

Health experts have long linked excessive TV-watching to obesity — a significant health problem today. While watching TV, kids are inactive and tend to snack. They’re also bombarded with ads that encourage them to eat unhealthy foods such as potato chips and empty-calorie soft drinks that often become preferred snack foods.

Commercials

According to the AAP, kids in the United States see 40,000 commercials each year. From the junk food and toy advertisements during Saturday morning cartoons to the appealing promos on the backs of cereal boxes, marketing messages inundate kids of all ages. And to them, everything looks ideal — like something they simply have to have. It all sounds so appealing — often, so much better than it really is.

Under the age of 8 years, most kids don’t understand that commercials are for selling a product. Children 6 years and under are unable to distinguish program content from commercials, especially if their favorite character is promoting the product. Even older kids may need to be reminded of the purpose of advertising.

Have your kids watch public television stations (some programs are sponsored — or “brought to you” — by various companies, although the products they sell are rarely shown).

Record programs — without the commercials.

Buy or rent children’s videos or DVDs.

Teaching Good TV Habits

Here are some practical ways to make TV-viewing more productive in your home:

Limit the number of TV-watching hours:

Stock the room in which you have your TV with plenty of other non-screen entertainment (books, kids’ magazines, toys, puzzles, board games, etc.) to encourage kids to do something other than watch the tube.

Keep TVs out of bedrooms.

Turn the TV off during meals.

Treat TV as a privilege to be earned — not a right.

Try a weekday ban. Set a good example by limiting your own TV viewing.

Check the TV listings and program reviews ahead of time

Preview programs before your kids watch them.

Come up with a family TV schedule that you all agree upon each week. Then, post the schedule in a visible area (e.g., on the refrigerator) so that everyone knows which programs are OK to watch and when. And make sure to turn off the TV when the “scheduled” program is over instead of channel surfing.

Watch TV together. If you can’t sit through the whole program, at least watch the first few minutes to assess the tone and appropriateness, then check in throughout the show.

Talk to kids about what they see on TV and share your own beliefs and values. If something you don’t approve of appears on the screen, you can turn off the TV, then use the opportunity to ask thought-provoking questions such as, “Do you think it was OK when those men got in that fight? What else could they have done? What would you have done?” Or, “What do you think about how those teenagers were acting at that party? Do you think what they were doing was wrong?” If certain people or characters are mistreated or discriminated against, talk about why it’s important to treat everyone fairly, despite their differences. You can use TV to explain confusing situations and express your feelings about difficult topics (sex, love, drugs, alcohol, smoking, work, behaviour, family life).

Finally, parents may find interesting that the Steiner community discourage the watching of television. Here is some of their reasoning:-

“In the case of creativity, it is argued that television viewing occurs at the expense of other leisure activities such as reading, imaginative play, ‘rest time.’ Children that exhibit a great deal of imagination in their play are better able to concentrate, develop greater empathic ability, and are better able to consider a subject from different angles.

Action-orientated and violent programs have an arousing quality and can foster a physically active and impulsive behaviour orientation in children, which in turn disturbs the sequential thought and planning necessary for organizing plots of make-believe games and creative tasks.

Such programs can also lead to restlessness, and impulsivity at school and lack of WILL.”

 If young children are over exposed to super hero DVDs & television shows they can become over stimulated and mimic the behaviour they have seen. These programs, while marketed for children, have adult themes and are often violent, taking away the innocence of childhood. TV and video can be powerful triggers which disturb children’s sleep and cause aggressive behavior.

 TV is non interactive and so children often act out after watching TV. The images & messages are coming at them at such a fast & furious pace that they do not have time to adequately process them.  In particular, super hero programs can also cause obsession with the super hero.  The child may demand all the clothes and accessories around the hero and consequently not rely on their own wonderful imagination.

Children need to get the actions they have seen and subsequent emotions they have experienced, ‘out’ after watching such shows.  They are dealing with their fears while playing.  This can manifest in obsessive and aggressive behaviors.  Some parents report to me their four year old child hitting and kicking them. This behavior is unacceptable and needs to be prevented.  Neither the parent nor the child feels good about it and the relationship is becoming compromised.

 It has been said that for every half hour of television a child watches they need a half hour of comforting.  Watch your child viewing TV & observe them go pale when it is frightening. Often the eyes will glaze over, skin will go pale and they appear in a ‘trance’ even if the material they are watching is not frightening! We need to protect our children from heavy negativity and over stimulation of their senses.

 Children cannot separate themselves from heavy negativity of those around them or made alive by story telling or television. It is also stifling their imagination.

 Children under seven years of age are better encouraged to play creatively and use their own imagination to invent characters that interest & enrich the imagination.

 Four year old boys

• Double their testosterone ,
• Are aggressive & dominant
• Look for quick gratification
• Like to know who’s in charge, what are the rules and will they be fairly enforced.
• Love to shout
• Are dogmatic
• Love climbing, running and being outdoors

 What can parents do?

• Reduce  or completely stop TV  & DVD viewing
• Carefully choose what programs your children watch.
• Avoid current affairs & news.
• Remove all evidence of super hero characters from the home
• Tell the children the TV is ‘having a rest this week-end.’
• Go bike riding or do something physical outdoors to get the wriggles out of them
• Kids will be better able to entertain themselves with reduced or zero TV watching
• Recommended TV shows for young children:-PlaySchool, Bob the Builder & Bananas in Pyjamas  for four year olds and under.
• Encourage quiet play once a day

 Some children at aged 4 have been so ‘over-entertained’ they find it difficult to play quietly and amuse themselves.  This can be exhausting for parents.

 Encourage individual quiet play, by both parents role modeling reading a book, newspaper or magazine, sitting quietly & in a relaxed manner on the couch. At first start with smaller amounts of time eg 10 mins where the child is expected to play by themselves. Perhaps use a timer to let them know when ‘quiet time’ will end. Many parents will be tempted to ‘get jobs done’ while the child is playing quietly.  When you are teaching your child to play alone, you will have more success if you also sit quietly for the ’10 mins.’  You will also have more success if you spend just a few minutes first giving your child your undivided attention/reading them a story/helping with a puzzle and then moving into individual play. As the child becomes more used to playing alone you will be more able to do other jobs (or indeed read your own book!) without being interrupted.

 Encourage coloring, drawing, puzzles, listening to a story using headphones. Make sure the stories are suitable.  Say “it is your turn to play alone now, Mummy/Daddy are sitting relaxing and reading.”

 Stories on CDs/tapes/IPod are a great way to help a child relax, calm down & learn to listen. Make sure the stories are suitable; go to the library and get things like Madeline, fairy stories, Dogger, Poo Bear, & Hairy McClary or download them from the internet.

 Make a graphic of the games they enjoy playing alone & then when it is family quiet time they can use this card to decide which quiet activity to do today.

 Start out with 10-15 minutes & build up to 30 minutes.

 Use words like “it is your turn to play alone now”.

 Establish a rhythm in the afternoons. So when children come home from care, pre-school or school it is always the same. eg:-

• Afternoon tea (healthy, low GI snacks will ensure a happier afternoon)
• Playschool
• Outside with balls/trampoline etc  with parent
• Inside with quiet activities such as drawing, puzzles
• Bath
• Dinner
• Story
• Bed

Thanks to Lorraine Salvi from Mums Delivery for this review of our book Why Wont My Child Listen?  If you can relate to some  of Lorraine’s points then order your copy for only $20.00 + P&H.  Alternatively book into my next workshop Monday  2nd April,  only $25.00!

Why won’t my child listen?

“Finding time for me is very hard and although a (self diagnosed) bookworm before children, reading books is a luxury I simply do not have time to do at the moment. However when I came across the opportunity to read a book titled: Why won’t my child listen? I thought “Yes! Could someone please tell me why they don’t listen and what to do to make them listen?”

 As a work from home mother with two young children (4 and 2yrs) I find myself consistently repeating myself and then saying “Just listen to me!” While this doesn’t happen all the time and I do love my children dearly I find that the everyday struggles can be overwhelming. My 2yr old seems to suffer from selective hearing and thinks that pouring water all over the house, yelling and climbing is acceptable. In the other corner, my 4yr old has hit the “No” stage, talking back to me, telling me “no” all the time when I ask her to do something and then telling me what she would rather do along with the whinging and crying every time she doesn’t get her way.  (Does anyone else suffer from this?)

Click to read full review

Some parents find they are battling with their children constantly, every little request is a battle. Small things seem to send them of  into a temper tantrum or rage, hurling insults at Mum & Dad , yelling, sobbing and striking out physically. This can be exhausting, demanding, embarrassing and frustrating.  Endless , repetitive explanations do not seem to work !   It may help to know you are not on your own, many parents face this dilemma.  I have heard this described often!

Firstly, it is important to set clear rules and boundaries with outcomes that the child is aware of beforehand.  Once a child is past 2.6 years it is unnecessary to constantly explain the reason why the behavior is unacceptable.  By doing  this you are giving the child your attention for several minutes for negative behaviour. An example of this might be 5 year old Sally always runs out on the road when the family has visitors.  Mum patiently explains at great length why she cannot play on the road, how a car might come & hurt her, how she may have to go to hospital in an ambulance, how sad Mum & Dad would be blaa blaa blaa!  The child already knows this , will not be listening  and has switched of  in the first second!  Act instead of talk!!  In this instance the parents could take the child by the hand and quietly say we will talk inside, wave the visitors off , go inside and say go to your room, or, there will be no play date tomorrow, or whatever the outcome is that has been previously decided upon. The child already knows what she has done wrong, why it is wrong and what the outcvme is. So parents less talk, less explanation over & over again and more action!!  The child need to know this is the rule, and if you forget the rule , this is the outcome. Use words like remember and forget rather than good , bad , naughty.

Secondly, it is OK to avoid confrontation by saying yes more often than no.  With these children avoid the word no.  Children who are constantly hearing the words don’t, no, not in here ; often act negatively .   Instead  try to say “yes”.  Yes, you can have a biscuit- after dinner, yes,  you can do tha puzzle -after your nap, yes, you can have a play date -on the week-end,  let’s talk about that with Dad, that’s a great idea-we can chat about that over dinner.

Thirdly , it is often helpful to stand beside your child (six & over) rather than in front, when you are trying to get them to respond to you.  This is less confronting.  Use words like “let’s tidy your room together”, “Let’s see if we can sort out the problem together”.  Eye contact si appropriate with younger children but check out works for your child.

It is timely to re-vist rules and boundaries

  All children need boundaries and limits to make sense of their world and to help them feel safe.  Family life will be flow better if everyone is clear on the rules. And where do children learn these boundaries?  They learn from their parents. If  parents do not have healthy personal boundaries, then it is probable that the children will learn the same behaviours and also have poor personal boundaries.  So if we shout at our kids they will probalby shout at us. If we interrupt them when they are speaking they will probably do the same to us.  You can say no in many ways:-  “It’s not on, it’s not negotiable, remember the rules”.

 In establishing boundaries for your children, it is important to remember where you stand in all this. You are like the coach of a soccer team. Basically you are on their side.  You want them to win!   So you need to take time to understand what is going on with your children and coach them through this learning process. Remember it is a learning process just like learning colours, shapes or how to complete a puzzle! 

 When parents establish boundaries (rules and limits) children gradually learn how to behave, what to expect and how to self regulate their own behaviour. This takes time and patience!  Ensure you have only a few rules and that they are based on health, safety and the welfare of others.  For older children they will be based on respect.  Respect your body, respect others and respect the environment.  Use these as a barometer to ensure your rules are realistic.

In setting limits for young children it is important to have a few simple rules. For example in the car you may decide to use three rules:-
• Seat belts on
• Hands to self
• Quiet voice

Children need to also learn cause and effect. When I act in this way there is a consequence. When I throw my toy it is taken away or when I hit my sister I cannot  play that game anyomore.   It is important to establish realistic expectations of children so that they experience success. It is necessary to remind children of the rules before an outing, activity or event and to be consistent!   Remember you are their parent not their friend.  Providing a loving authorative  environment with clear & consistent boundaries will set your child up with the best start in life. 

Tips:-
• Be patient
 • Establish the rules and consequences
• Tell children the rules
• Be Consistent
• Be a good role model

For more on rules and boundaries book into the workshop in Apirl or June 02  9939 3732 or buy the book “Why Wont My Child Listen”.  It is a great resource for parents.

I passsionately believe not all children are ready to learn to read until they are seven.  Behavioural Optometrists have infromed me the neurological pathways necessary for learning to read are not  laid down in all children until they are seven years of age. Steiner philosophy embraces this belief.  I see evidence of this in my private practice with many children struggling with reading. This causes anxiety , stress and conflict at home as parents do “battle” each night with homework!!  

 Brain Gym can be a great help to these children.  If your child is struggling with reading do not be alarmed.  Instead seek help, try to relax and be patient. Most children will learn easily when they are “ready”.   I also believe that parents should avoid trying to teach reading , writing & maths before school and that this should be left in the hands of the teachers!

However there are many children aged 5 & 6  who are able to learn to read without stress at school .  To those parents I would like to share these hints on teaching sight words .  Hopefully they may help children who need that little bit extra.  In no way am I suggesting this process should commence before it is started at school.

These hints were sent to me by Jay Sanders , Mother of two, teacher & author of the book “Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept”. Thanks to Jay for sharing these tips!

Learning the First 100 Sight Words

When my daughters were in their first year of school,every week they would come home with a list of sight words to learn (often known as ‘the golden words’)— words such as ‘and’, ‘was’ and ‘put’. If you have ever had a child in their first year of school, you will KNOW what I am talking about! When my eldest daughter arrived home with her first list, she tried desperately to memorise each word so she could move to the next list the following week.  At this time, she barely knew how to read and had limited knowledge of letter sounds.  Not that knowing her ‘sounds’ was going to help her decode many of the first 100 sight words. If you have ever asked your little one to ‘sound out’ ‘put’ or ‘was’ you will also know what I am talking about!  It was such a stressful time for us all, as my daughter became very upset when she couldn’t ‘read’ (memorise) all of her ‘golden words’. It became even more stressful when she ‘failed’ to move to the next list.

Being a teacher, I personally believe children need to learn their first 100 sight words (the essential words they need to know in order to progress with their reading) in a meaningful context, i.e. sentences/stories. So here are some hints to help children learn their weekly list of words; and I guarantee, it will befun!

1. Buy a special exercise book. Cover it together and have your child write their name on the cover.
2. When that first list comes home, have your child provide you with a sentence (orally) containing the first sight word on the list, e.g. ‘I puton my big coat.’— ‘put’ being the sight word.
3. Write the sentence for your child clearly. Do not use all capital letters. Use the usual text conventions of a capital letter for the beginning of the sentence and a full stop at the end.Note:point out text conventions just as a general part of yourconversation. It is certainly something children don’t need to focus on at this early stage.
4. Now draw a boxed outline around the word ‘put’. Tell your child that all letters have bodies but some also have heads and tails. (I often drew a standard cat with a ball for its body, a ball for its head and a long tail hanging down, and used this cat when referring to letters.) Explain that when we draw the box around ‘put’ we see that the ‘p’ has a body and a tail and the ‘t’ has a body and a head. Outlining the shape of a word with a box, helps the child to ‘take a picture’ of the word and assists them to memorize it.
5. Now have your child read the sentence back to you. I guarantee they will remember it (even though they may not be truly ‘reading’just yet) because it is their sentence and their words. Point to each word as your child reads the sentence.
6. Have your child read the sentence a few more times as they point to each word.
7. Ask your child to identify their ‘golden’ word and name it — in this case ‘put’.
8. Now, like any children’s book author, your child’s ‘story’ needs a picture. Have them draw a matching picture for each sentence. Allow them to take as long as they like.
9. Make sure you have lots of fun doing all of the above and the process is never a chore. Praise all efforts. I would usually recommend no more than one to three words in a session.

10.  Revisit your child’s sentences time and time again — whenever he or she wishes to read from their own special book full of their own stories and pictures!

Note: as your child becomes more proficient at thinking up sentences, encourage them to include more interesting adjectives, e.g. ‘The little girl put on her big woolly brown coat.’ However, never ask this of your child until they know the drill and THEY want to make their sentences more interesting.

Jayneen Sanders is an author, teacher and mother. She is the author of ‘Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept’ (www.somesecrets.info) and writes under the name of Jay Dale for the literacy series ‘Engage Literacy’. Jay has a new set of books out called the ‘Wonder Words’ which teaches the first 100 sight words through story.