I recently wrote in a newsletter and on this blog  about keeping children safe  especially when they start off to school.  Parents  cannot be with them 24 hours a day seven days a week.  I have also pointed parents & carers to this wonderful book by Jay Sanders “Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept! 

Read on to hear more from Jay!

“Note: these skills can be taught gradually and in daily conversations as your child grows. 

1.     As soon as your child begins to talk and is aware of their body parts, begin to name them correctly, e.g. toes, nose, eyes, etc. Children should also know the correct names for their genitals from a young age. Try not to use ‘pet names’. This way, if a child is touched inappropriately, they can clearly state to you or a trusted adult where they have been touched.

2.     Teach your child that their penis, vagina, breasts and nipples are called their ‘private parts’ and that these are their body parts that go under their swimsuit. Note: a child’s mouth is also known as a ‘private zone’.

3.     Teach your child that no-one has the right to touch their private parts/private zones and if someone does they must tell you or a trusted adult (or older teenager) straight away. As your child becomes older (4+) help them to identify five people they could tell. These people are part of their ‘network’.

4.     At the same time as you are discussing in appropriate touch, talk about feelings. Discuss what it feels like to be happy, sad, angry, excited, etc. Encourage your child in daily activities to talk about their feelings, e.g. ‘I felt really sad when … pushed me over.’ This way your child will be more able to verbalise how they are feeling if someone does touch them inappropriately.

5.     Talk with your child about feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. Discuss times when your child might feel ‘unsafe’, e.g. being pushed down a steep slide; or ‘safe’, e.g. snuggled up on the couch reading a book with you. Children need to understand the different emotions that come with feeling ‘safe’ and ‘unsafe’. For example, when feeling ‘safe’, they may feel happy and have a warm feeling inside; when feeling ‘unsafe’ they may feel scared and have a sick feeling in their tummy.

6.     Discuss with your child their ‘early warning signs’when feeling unsafe, i.e. heart racing, feeling sick in the tummy, sweaty palms, feeling like crying. Let them come up with some ideas of their own. Tell your child that they must tell you if any of their ‘early warning signs’ happen in any situation. Reinforce that you will always believe them and that they can tell you anything.

7.     As your child grows, try as much as possible to discourage the keeping of secrets. (Perpetrators rely heavily on children keeping secrets.) Talk about happy surprises such as not telling Granny about her surprise birthday party and ‘bad’ secrets such as someone touching your private parts. Make sure your child knows that if someone does ask them to keep an inappropriate secret that they must tell you or someone in their network straight away.

8.     Discuss with your child when it is appropriate for someone to touch their private parts, e.g. a doctor if they are sick (but making sure they know you must be in the room). Discuss with your child that if someone does touch their private parts (without you there) they have the right to say: ‘No!’ or ‘Stop!’ and outstretch their arm and hand. Children (from a very young age) need to know their body is their body and no-onehas the right to touch it in appropriately.

 Lastly sexual abuse prevention and protective behaviours is not only a parent’s responsibly, it is also the community’s responsibility. Ask you child’s kinder or school if they are running a protective behaviours program. If they are not, ask why not. And PLEASE lobby for it.

 Please note: the above points are a summary of the body safety skills your child needs to learn. If you wish to learn more, go to such organisations as Child Wise (www.childwise.net) and Australian Childhood Foundation (www.childhood.org.au). They have intensive courses in protective behaviours for parents and professionals.

copyright Jay Sanders UpLoad Publishing Pty Ltd 2012

Jay Sanders is the author of the children’s picture book ‘Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept’; see: www.somesecrets.info”

Body Safety – a Guide for Parents and Carers by Jay Sanders is a post from: Janet Cater - Parenting Advisor

Be Positive
The best thing you can do is to be positive about this next step.  If you have any anxieties or concerns your child will “pick up” on these so it is essential to remain positive about  handing over the care of your child to others. Even if you have to fake it , be positive!

It is very important that a child’s first experience at shcool is a positive and happy one. You can help by leaving your child quickly and decisively and reassuring the child of your return.

Be Organised and Calm
Be organised in the mornings so you can leave the house calmly and arrive at school relaxed.  Try leaving the house ten minutes early. This will really help your child feel calm.

Create a spot near the front door which can be known as the “Lift off pad”.   In the evening place the school bag in this spot along with any special requirements for the next day e.g.  swimming costume, hat, craft bag, library bag, sleeping bag. This avoids the mad dash about the house in the morning with everyone looking for that missing library book!

Having your child help you lay out their clothes/uniform for the next morning is also a great way to make the morning run more smoothly – no lost shoes!

Ensure your child is well rested. Early to bed!

Regular Routine

Maintain a morning routine and stick to it!   Get dressed, make bed, eat breakfast, clean teeth then play. Whatever routine works in your family is fine, the most important thing to ensure is: no playing or watching TV until the child is completely ready to walk out the door.

Avoid shouting from another room! Walk up to your child, get their attention and calmly remind them to get dressed. They will need your help and reminders in the early days.

Be Involved & Interested – not Pushy
Make it your business to network with other parents to assist your child in learning names and forming freindships.

Become involved in your child’s school if your work commitments permit. 

If your child says “I don’t want to go to school today” it is a good idea to become familiar with the child’s timetable so you can say “it is craft day today” (or library or music).  Help them find something to look forward to each day so they don’t want to ‘miss out.’

When the child arrives home in the afternoon avoid asking too many broad questions such as “Who did you play with?” or “What did you learn?” or “What did you do today”?  Instead, ask a couple of more specific questions such as  “What game did you play in music today?” or “What book did you choose at the library?”  This kind of conversation shows you are informed & interested rather than pushy and anxious.  Remember you do not want to project your anxiety onto your child.

Remember your child may be tired. Especially for younger children, it takes a lot of energy to concentrate, listen to instructions, interact with other children and respond to questions.  They may need some quiet time in the car or at home. Sitting and colouring together or doing a puzzle may help.  For others – they may need to let off steam by kicking a ball or riding a bike.

Saying Goodbye
For a pre-schooler who is having trouble separating it is important to leave quickly. Try giving your child a photo of yourself to keep in their pocket, or a piece of your costume jewellery in their pocket or a lipstick kiss on an envelope.  I have had years of success with this simple strategy. It works a treat!   Another tip is to have the child choose a game to play on returning home and place it beside the front door. This creates a feeling of security and acts as an “anchor” to home and family.  Make sure if you use this strategy that you make time to play that game when you get home – even 5 to 10 focussed minutes will make a big difference.  Try not to get caught up in ‘rushing to prepare dinner’ etc.  5 minutes of playing with your child will make the whole evening routine much more relaxed and pleasant for all.

For children who are experiencing separation difficulties after more than a few weeks there may be other issues to be addressed. Please contact Janet for further assistance.

 Tips for a happy start to school!

• Be positive
• Remain Calm
• Be organised
• Early to bed
• Prepare bag and clothes in the evening
• Establish morning routine
• Leave 10 minutes early
• Avoid shouting
• Avoid too many questions at the end of the day

Starting School is a post from: Janet Cater - Parenting Advisor

I provide a 30 minute overview of my general parenting principles and explanation of the main causes of challenging behaviours.

This is followed by Q & A where parents have plenty of time to ask questions and for their issues to be explored and strategies suggested.

Talk to your Mothers Group, friends or work colleagues and determine if they would be interested. Charge is $ 20.00 per person for two hours. Call Janet on 02 9939 3732  or email :janet@janetbcater.com to  arrange an evening at your house.

Hear what Sarah has to say about a recent workshop in her home:-

“Janet visited my home to speak to a group of 12 friends about the challenges we face every day with our children. I had heard Janet speak twice before to larger groups, but as a mum of two children, I organized this smaller session so we could focus primarily on children of 4-5 years and sibling issues.

At each of Janet’s seminars, I have learned something new. I particularly like the way Janet asks questions to understand what drives the child’s behaviour in a certain situation before she offers advice. She is also careful to tailor her advice to the age of the child.

What have I learned? More than I could include in this short testimonial, but one simple change is to use positives rather than negatives: ‘walk’ rather than ‘don’t run’; ‘use normal voices’ rather than ‘stop whining’!

Thanks Janet!

Sarah Thirlwell, full-time mum and part-time worker”.

Wine and Cheese Evenings is a post from: Janet Cater - Parenting Advisor

Brain Gym is a post from: Janet Cater - Parenting Advisor

Children need between-meal snacks because they have small stomachs and require small amounts of food more frequently than adults.  It is important to choose healthy snacks for your child. Snacks based on fruit & vegetables, dairy products and whole grains will contribute to your child’s nutritional needs and improve the quality of their diet. Snack foods that are high in sugar, saturated fat or salt are generally low in nutrients and often provide unwanted kilojoules that can contribute to your child becoming overweight or obese.  Avoid additives, MSG and colourings as these can “hype” children and because challenging behaviours.

 Selecting healthier snacks.

The way to restrict unhealthy snacks is simply not to buy them on a regular basis. Children will tend to snack on what is readily available so stock the pantry and fridge with healthy snacks and include them in the lunchbox.

Promote healthier snacks

Role model and eat these snacks yourself!

Talk to your child and set limits on the number of less healthy snacks that you allow them to have each week.  Save these for special occasions!

Prompt your child to select healthier snacks.  Set boundaries, rules and limits and say No!

Healthy Snack Ideas

Rice crackers with peanut butter

Fruit muffins (small serve)

Celery sticks with chicken sausage

Celery sticks & carrot stick with hummus/guacamole/ beetroot dip

Sa-ka-ta rice and seaweed biscuits

Date loaf made on spelt flour with nutalex & soy/goat/rice/oat milk

Blueberries with fetta cheese

Rockmelon and ricotta

Pineapple and chicken wing or drumstick

Apple and soy yogurt

Bananas and walnuts

Watermelon and soy yogurt

Mangos 

Grapes and chicken drumstick

Oranges and ricotta cheese

Baked beans

Tinned salmon and cherry tomatoes

Yogurt & fruit

Rice biscuits with ham, chicken or tuna

Sugar snap peas and ricotta

Cheery tomatoes & fetta

Dried fruit in moderation

Sushi

Fresh, frozen or dried fruit

Yogurt (try soy, goats, or sheep)

Nuts

Cheese and crackers

Custard

Potatoes topped with cheese

Toasted sandwiches and baked beans

Hummus, beetroot, guacamole, baba ganush dips with carrots, celery and rice crackers

For more on fussy eaters, saying no and setting limits book a workshop or a one on one consultation.  Call Janet 99393732.

Choosing Snacks for young children is a post from: Janet Cater - Parenting Advisor

Many of my exisitng clients have benefited from the work of my colleague Dr Adam Nichols from Wholistic Therapies Pty. Ltd. (a Doctor of Osteopathy & Chiropractic).   Remember that many children displaying learning and behaviour  dificulties have some of the symptoms from this specturm.  I recommend you get in touch with him again to discuss this  new protocol which could make a big difference to your child.  Read on:-

Recently  after reviewing the latest research into Autism Spectrum Disorders, (ASD)  Dr. Nichols formulated a new and extensive protocol for treating Autism. This addresses the multi-faceted components of Autism Spectrum Disorders.

He believes the key to the disorders is primarily the Microglia Activation (MGA) leading to brain inflammation. The Microglia is the Central Nervous Systems’ Immune System and when over activated responds like an autoimmune disease. This causes disruption, damage and chemical imbalance to the tissues of the brain.

The Protocol is aimed at addressing the 10 major components that could cause the excited immune response of MGA. He has even developed a specific Osteopathic therapy to reset or switch off an overactive MGA.

These components are:

1. Endo-toxins & Oxidative Stress

2. Heavy Metal Toxicity

3. Systemic Inflammation

4. Chemical Sensitivity from food additives

5. Leaky Gut Syndrome

6. Food Intolerances and Allergies

7. Dysbiosis

8. Poor Liver Detoxification

9. Nutritional Deficiencies

10. Genetic Predisposition

The program is presently in its early stage of proving efficacy.

For Contact details for Dr. Nichols call Janet  99393732 and do tell him I referred you!

New help for Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADD, ADHD, learning and behaviour diffiulties. is a post from: Janet Cater - Parenting Advisor

 There is a marvellous program in Australia known as the Protective Behaviours Program. It was brought into Australia from the USA by the New South Wales police to replace the Stranger Danger Program.  It recognises (sadly) that many children are harmed by their own families and those close to them.

 Used both in home and school it will help to develop very confident children with self-good self esteem. It sets children up with particular skills and tools to deal with any difficult situation they may come across.   

 These situations may be teasing in the classroom or bullying in the playground.  It may be what to do if you are five years old and have forgotten lunch.  Ultimately it equips children to be confident, self assured assertive and able to deal with conflict or difficult situations in the home and later on as adults in the work place

 The theme as it is taught to the younger children is: “We all have the right to feel safe.” and “when I fell scared I can find someone to talk to.”  You can teach these themes at home.

 This program then begins to help children get in touch with their feelings and emotions and to discover how they experience these feelings in the body.  Games are played around running fast on the spot, then noticing how fast their heart is beating.  Discussions, which can also help develop confident children with self esteem, are based on what may happen inside your body when you are excited or scared.  The children are then asked about what makes them scared. Most very young children proudly reply nothing.  So then the program often has to introduce role models.

 When I am running the program, I tell the children that what makes me scared is climbing up a ladder. I tell the children I find being up high on a ladder scary and describe to the children what happens in me. My hands get clammy and my tummy feels like a washing machine. I stress that everyone is different. Children then get the idea and come up with all sorts of explanations such as “I get butterflies in my tummy”

 Stories are also frequently used to illustrate fear, so when, for example, teddy gets left outside in the dark alone, you may say at the end of the story “How do you think the teddy felt being left outside?” Children will then come up with “scared, frightened, and lonely.”  After another story, “How did Johnny feel when his brother trod on his caterpillar?” they may reply “angry, annoyed, and frustrated.”

 The children are then asked to liken their bodies to an ambulance with the red light and the siren.  They are warning signs and similarly the body has “early warning signs” including sweaty palms, racing heart, wobbly legs, hairs standing up on the back of neck. Children learn to describe these.

 The program is based on the premise that parents cannot be with their children twenty-four seven.   So they are equipped to know when they are feeling scared (experiencing those early warning signs) and ultimately in an uncomfortable or dangerous situatioThe second part of this theme is “when I feel scared, I can find someone to talk to.” So next they learn about Networking.

 This part sets the children from as young as three years of age up with a network hand.  A hand is drawn and on it the child writes the names of various adults with whom the children feel safe and whom they can seek out if they have a problem.  Family members are all written on the thumb, and other adults on the fingers.

 For this activity you can also draw a train with carriages for very young children, though I prefer the idea of the hand because your hand is always with you!  The child must think up the names. It is not about whom you think might be good.  Quite often they choose the most unexpected people. 

 Songs and games can also be used to reinforce the themes, particularly around asking someone for help and persisting until someone listens to you.  Puppets can be used to demonstrate how. For example, Koala Kim has to tell five different animals her problem until finally someone really listens to her and helps to solve the problem. Better to use this “one step removed” style than giving children scary examples such as what if you forgot your lunch” or “what if someone offered you a lift home”.  Role modelling is also good.  Allow your child to see you call your sister to talk and receive comfort and advice when you are worried or upset.  Talk about your own network hand.

 From a very early age you can teach the child to say “stop it, I do not like it.” Often even friendly tickling by Mum or Dad changes from feeling good to that’s enough. So empower your child to use these words.

 Teach your child your phone number or set them up with phone cards so they know you are always available should they need you.

 Brainstorming skills are also another vital part of this empowering program.  This can be taught every day in many ways.  When brainstorming, remember there are no wrong answers, just allow the ideas to flow and then discuss or discount after the brainstorming session has finished. A brainstorming session may go something like this….. Imagine Johnny has arrived home from school one day and the house is locked. What could he do?

 So you start to brainstorm ideas and actually write them down. Some of the ideas of what Johnny could do are:-

• Go next door
• Sit and wait till Dad gets home from work
• Break a window to get in
• Burn the house down
• Go back to school

 So we write down all the ideas and then discuss them.  Ask what would happen if you burnt the house down?  Well, replies the seven year old Tom, the fire-engine would come with a big ladder and get me into the house!  Obviously not a very good idea, but nevertheless, an idea.  As we continue the discussion the child sees for himself the best solution.  Having practised and developed this skill, your child will quickly brainstorm and sort out the ideas to come up with an excellent solution if he finds himself in a difficult situation.

 You can use this technique with day to day fun activities like…..

 Let’s brainstorm ideas for Grandpa’s birthday present, food to take on the picnic,what to take to the beach, where to go for holiday, what to have for dinner tonight. All sorts of things like that. During these sessions it is important to encourage children to express what they like as well as what they do not like. This also develops very confident children with healthy self-esteem. 

 I recommend parents and teachers make enquiries from the nearest branch of the Protective Behaviours Association and obtain literature and books for their home and school. 

For more on this topic buy the book “Why Wont My Child Listen?” or call Janet 99393732 to book a workshop in your home, school or workplace on this or any other topic.

Off to school-keeping kids safe! is a post from: Janet Cater - Parenting Advisor

• Overview of Parenting:

• Big Picture Parenting.

• Preventing Behavioural issues.

• Positive Parenting.

• Tools & Strategies.

• Toilet training issues.

• Temper Tantrums.

• Q & A

Workshop 2 – Friday 4th November 7.15pm Janet Cater

• Revision of Week 1.

• Rules, Boundaries & Limits.

• Rewards, bribes & more.

• Using food as a reward, is it appropriate?

• Know what makes children listen.

• Tools & Strategies

• Q & A.

Workshop 3 – Saturday 19th November 2.30pm

• Revision of Week 2.

• Fussy eaters.

• How to have your child eat healthy food happily.

• Setting up stress free meal times.

• Connection of food to behaviour.

• Ready for school

• Tools & Strategies.

Workshop 4 – Friday  2nd December  7.15 pm -Jenni Davies- Physiotherapist

Preventing the Downfall & Stopping the Leaks!

(Troubles “down there” ARE NOT a given part of being a woman)

• Effective treatment of urinary leakage on coughing/sneezing/exercising/lifting

• Decreasing the urgency of getting to the loo

• Early treatment and prevention of prolapse

• Effective retraining of the pelvic floor muscles

• Effective retraining of abdominal muscles

• Getting fit for exercise post-babies

• Exercising without increasing the risk of prolapse

• Practical tips, education and discussion

— BOOKING —

• Please email us to book

• Advise your preference of dates, times and topics that are of most interest.

• info@babesfitness.com.au

We look forward to seeing you at these fantastic workshops. Don’t hesitate to get in touch if you have any questions.

Regards

Nicky, Leonie & Sonya

Babes with Babes – Outdoor fitness for Mums, Indoor playtime for bubs.

Parenting Workshop Series -Brookvale is a post from: Janet Cater - Parenting Advisor

Bed Time Capers                                                                 

Many parents struggle with bed time and even refer to it as “the witching hour”!  Children call out for a drink of water, want yet another story, and demand more food. Parents feel frustrated and exhausted!  

All are delaying tactics to stave off the inevitable……..time for sleep!  Parents need respite from children to re-charge their batteries and all children need their sleep.  Most young children need to be in bed and asleep by 7.30pm; however young children who still have a day time sleep may still be up after this time and should be encouraged to play quietly while other siblings are trying to go to sleep.  
 
It is really immmportant to establish a bed time routine.  Once this is established children will feel safe and calm as they know what to expect and evenings will flow smoothly.  Try to be consistent as children are less likely to push boundaries and test limits if they know what to expect.   

Children resist sleep for many reasons:- 

• They may want more time with Mum & Dad.
• They may be over stimulated or excited from playing. 
• They may have eaten sugar… ice cream, sweet biscuits or lollies.
•  They may be overstimulated from watching T.V or a DVD.
• They may feel genuinely scared or frightened to be in their room 

However there are many things you can do to assist your child to settle to sleep happily.   Children can be over stimulated by watching T.V. or DVDS in the afternoon and evening. Television can over-stimulate children and anything with adult themes should be avoided.  In particular do not allow young children to watch the news.  By eliminating television viewing from the afternoon and evening children will be more relaxed, calm & settled.  

By ensuring children have low GI lunch and afternoon tea they will be have more available energy to eat dinner, listen and be co-operative. Sugar laden foods such as cordial and ice cream can cause children to be “hyped” and have difficulty settling to sleep.  Fear of monsters or the dark can also play havoc.  

If your routine in the early evening is not working then change it!  You may need to bring everything forward by 15 – 30 minutes. You may simply need to plan bath before dinner.  By slightly re-vamping the routine you may have more co-operative children.

 Tips for calm bedtime.

• Establish a routine and be consistent.
• Spend time playing child centred games with your child every day.
• Avoid rough & tumble play before bed time.
• Serve low GI food for afternoon tea & dinner.
• Avoid watching T.V. and videos in the afternoon and evening.
• Avoid high sugar foods including cordial and ice cream (substitute with unsweetened yogurt & fruit)
• Have a set number of stories each evening and stick to it.
• For children who feel scared try this one:-  Sit in the doorway without talking and read a book until your child drops off to sleep. Tell your child you will go away if they talk.  This reassures your child and helps them to relax & drop off to sleep. Takes only 5 minutes, instead of an hour of calling out!  This phase will pass.

 Suggested Bedtime Routine for 4-7 year olds

• 3.30                  Low GI Snack
• 5. 15 – 5.30    Low GI Dinner
• 3.30                  Low GI Snack
• 5. 15 – 5.30    Low GI Dinner
• 6.00                  Bath
• 6.45                  2 Stories
• 7.00                  Lights out

If children are resisting the bath it is OK. They do not have to have a bath every night.  However immersion in water can calm children. Sometimes bath before dinner is a good idea.

I appreciate that this advice will not work for all families. Many parents both work full time, returning home after 6.30pm most evenings.  Others are single parents or shift workers.  Whatever your situation or hours of work children will benefit from a routine.  So please contact me if you need assistance with establishing a routine that works for your family. 02 9939 3732

Should your sleeping issues continue aND you would like someone to come into your home to assist you with these issues I can reccommend Sally Hall from Cradle2Kindy. 

“Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions provides a personal parenting coach to help empower mothers with children from birth to five years old. The optimum start for any parent with ongoing help.  From breastfeeding and newborn care to settling techniques, routines and behavioural management we aim to bringing confidence to parenting.”

 www.cradle2kindy.com.au

Bed Time Capers is a post from: Janet Cater - Parenting Advisor

Much is written about ADD & ADHD.  Parents can find many definitions of symptoms through the internet and many different ways of helping these children.  Sometimes all the information can be overwhelming and confusing. If you have a child who has been given this label or a child you who is “struggling” at home or at school there are some effective drug free answers.

 The team I have worked with for the past 15 years do not like labelling children.  At the end of the day label or no label you still have the same child with the same issues!!  We look at the whole child and have worked with hundreds of children successfully.  One 7-year-old client recently moved from level 3 to level 13 reading in a matter of a few months. His Mum reports he is now reported to be able to listen!

Our methods are relatively simple & cost-effective. We avoid having parents attending several different practitioners.   We look at your child holistically.  Once an in-depth history is taken detailing, pregnancy, birth, milestones, general health, accidents & traumas one or some of the following strategies may be recommended:-

Sarco cranial massage, allergy testing, food changes, physiological balance of the child, brain gym and behaviour management strategies and mentoring for effective parenting.

One of the best things you can do for your child is to provide fresh organic food free of colours, preservatives and additives. On the Northern Beaches I recommend and use always Organic

 “We all know the benefits of eating organic produce, but here at Always Organic we rate FRESHNESS of organic produce as the most important criteria when selecting our Certified organic vegetables and fruit!”  www.alwasyorganicnorthernbeaches.com

Please contact Janet 99393732 for assistance with your child

ADD ADHD-NATURALLY is a post from: Janet Cater - Parenting Advisor