Some parents have found it helpful to arrange a Wine & Cheese evening in their home. This is done usually by gathering together 10 or more friends in the relaxing comfort of their home.   Providing some wine & cheese adds to the informal nature of the evening.  

I provide a 30 minute overview of my general parenting principles and explanation of the main causes of challenging behaviours.

This is followed by Q & A where parents have plenty of time to ask questions and for their issues to be explored and strategies suggested.

Talk to your Mothers Group, friends or work colleagues and determine if they would be interested. Charge is $ 23.00 per person for two hours.

Call Janet on 02 9939 3732 to arrange an evening at your house.

Hear what Sarah has to say about a recent workshop in her home:-

“Janet visited my home to speak to a group of 12 friends about the challenges we face every day with our children. I had heard Janet speak twice before to larger groups, but as a mum of two children, I organized this smaller session so we could focus primarily on children of 4-5 years and sibling issues.”

At each of Janet’s seminars, I have learned something new. I particularly like the way Janet asks questions to understand what drives the child’s behaviour in a certain situation before she offers advice. She is also careful to tailor her advice to the age of the child.

What have I learned? More than I could include in this short testimonial, but one simple change is to use positives rather than negatives: walk rather than don’t run; use normal voices rather than stop whining!”

Thanks Janet!

Sarah Thirlwell, full-time mum and part-time worker”.

We are now home from a great holiday!

Iceland is certainly an interesting county and we loved it. Reykavick was a great starting point for our adventure. We saw volcanic landscapes that looked like Mars and green agriculture countryside.  We swam in hot thermal pools and ate  lots of delicious fish and lobster soups!  

We spent two weeks hiking in the mountains in Norway and the scenery is absolutely spectacular.  Stunning fjords surrounded by snow capped mountains and in some parts lush green countryside. The area around Hjorundfjord is stunning, massive mountains with steep sides falling into the fjords. Lots of waterfalls and massive rivers.We stayed near a fjord and our first walk was a climb up a mountain to look down onto a fjord. The next day found us on two ferries crossing fjords . From there we could see the mountain we had climbed. We went to this incredible glass lookout where we saw the longest descent in Europe. Hairpin bends and the most zig zag road I have seen! We then drove down this road, two cars could not pass each other on the corners! After some time we came into some agricultural areas. So green ,small holdings and all the houses are painted red and all the barns are painted red.

Further north in Norway  we stayed in a hotel in Konsvold. It is a series if little houses that were built in the1700′s. They are nestled in lush green fields and some have grass growing on the roof! This is for insulation in the colder months. One of our walks  was part of a Pilgrim`s trail and took us through some silver birch forests, and lovely lichen covered rocks, meadows and pretty alpine flowers. In 3 months time it will be all covered in snow. We saw two musk oxen, a species that goes back 2 million years! They were extinct in Norway and were re-introduced  from Greenland.  We also saw lemmings, which are a ginger coloured rodent and quite cute.

It was hard to get used to daylight 24/7 , but we managed ! A fantastic holiday and great to be home and to catch up with family and friends!  Hope you enjoyed this snippet of our time away.

Separation anxiety is normal during early childhood however it can be distressing for parents.

If a pattern is established where the special person always comes back after small separations, the child eventually learns that the world is a safe place, and they are able to be happy when the special people aren’t there.
 

Toddlers may often become distressed on separation from parents and carers when being dropped off at child care centres. However, this distress is often short-lived, and many children do thrive in the safe environment of a child care centre.

Children may be upset at the time that a parent leaves them, be relaxed and happy with the person caring for them, then upset again when the parent returns and they ‘remember’ that they were left. This is not ‘manipulative’ – it is normal child development, and shows that the child still does not feel really comfortable when the parent is not there, but is learning how to manage.

Tips

• Help them get to know any new situation or carer while you are there. It can take some time for them to feel comfortable.
• If your baby or young child is going to child care, try to find a place where there will be only one or two people who will be the special carers and who will usually be there when your child is there. 
• If you can, stay with your children until they get to know the carer. If you show that you trust and like the carer, it will help children to feel safe.
• Always say goodbye, this builds trust. Sneaking out or trying to get away may make a child feel that you can’t be trusted?
• Let the child mind something of yours (such as a bag, photo of you or keys) when you are not there. 
• It will help them to know when you will be coming back. Tell them in ways they understand, eg. “After lunch”.
• Be reliable and always come back when you say you will. If for some reason you can’t get back on time, let the carer know, so that she will be able to tell your child what has happened.

Have lots of little practice separations, eg, play Peek-a-Boo and Hide and Seek (and make sure to be easy to find!). This helps the child learn that you always come back.

There are sometimes other issues underlying separation anxiety which necessitate different strategies to be applied. We can help turn this around!  If your child is experiencing separation anxiety at a level you feel is not acceptable please contact Janet on 99393732 



Expect your child to interrupt!  All young children do this. It is annoying but take heart with time,  patience and consistency they will move through this stage!

Why young children interrupt.

Young children are just starting to figure out that there is more going on in your life than just them.

Children truly forget what you tell them. Short-term memory is still developing at this age, contributing to a short attention span.

What seems like three hours to your preschooler when waiting to tell you something has probably only been about three minutes.

To your young child, the picture of the flower just drawn is important enough to stop you from talking on the phone.

Your child may have something very exciting to say!

Strategies to stop your child interrupting.

Ignore the interruption.

Plan to be interrupted. Assign something for your child to do during that time . Set a timer and explain that you are not to be interrupted (unless it is a true emergency) until the timer goes off.

Avoid teaching your young child to say “excuse me”.  They see it as a license to say “excuse me” over & over & over again!  This can be more annoying than the interrupting.

Explain why you don’t like to be interrupted — as many times as it takes.

Play turn taking games. eg. throw the ball to the dog, knock down empty milk bottles with a soft ball, any board game.

Signal. If you are having a conversation, put your hand on your child’s shoulder (to let them know you will listen shortly) keep looking at the other adult and finish what you are saying. eg

2-3  years           Hold your hand up as a stop signal and finish your sentence only, then turn to the child.

3-4  years           Hand on shoulder and finish your paragraph.

4-5  years           Finish your topic!

Teach children to wait for the “gap” in the conversation.  Stop your conversation, say “wait for the gap” and follow the guidelines above. This works a treat in our family!

Each child is different & you will discover the best strategy for your child.  As your child matures and learns more about taking turns, they will less likely to interrupt you. Be sure to give praise when they remember about interrupting!  

I am taking a break for a few weeks.  We are off  hiking in Norway and touring in Iceland.  I hope the walks are not quite this scary!  I look forward to your “chats”, “comments” and “questions” on my return late July.  Janet

 

I was asked to answer this following question for a reader of My Child magazine:- “I recently found out my 2.5 year old daughter has a severe allergy to tree nuts, in particular hazelnuts. I am lost at where to start the process of training her to always ask us if she can eat something, and to never take food off anyone… let alone the mammoth task of being super vigilant in what I give her

Parents often feel overwhelmed when they first receive this news that their child has a nut allergy.  You will need to quickly become a “label” expert and read all labels diligently.  Remember to look for foods with traces of nuts.  

Make up a song you sing together before eating anything –   about checking there’s no nuts.  Find a familiar tune such as “Twinkle Twinkle”  and sing something like this.” Let’s check this food is OK , has it nuts I will say, My Mum  says that it’s  OK,  so 1,2,3, and  in it goes, happy happy happy me , there’s no nuts  , yippe yippe!”

Role-play games with teddies and dolls about afternoon tea parties.  Offering and accept “food”, asking if there are nuts in the food.  Sing the song.  Enlist the help of friends and family to help coach the child about letting people know she is  allergic to nuts before accepting food (eg if at aunt’s house, have the aunt offer food and if the child just takes it the aunt says ‘try again, first ask me what’s in it ‘etc” . Again sing song when you are out & about and visiting relatives.

Join an on-line support group. You will be surprised how quickly a young child will learn to ask “Mummy can I eat this?  Or “Has this got nuts in it. You will also be surprised how quickly you will build up your knowledge and understanding of food labelling. Other parents are a great resource.  Rest assured it will become easier.

Living With Peanut or Tree Nut Allergy

If allergy testing shows that someone has a peanut or tree nut allergy, a doctor will provide guidelines on what to do.

The only real way to treat a nut allergy is to avoid peanuts and tree nuts. Avoiding nuts means more than just not eating them. It also means not eating any foods that might contain tree nuts or peanuts as ingredients. The best way to be sure  nut free is to read the label. Manufacturers of foods sold in Australia have to state on their labels whether foods contain peanuts or tree nuts. Check the ingredients list first.

After checking the ingredients list, look on the label for phrases like these:

       “may contain nuts”

       “produced on shared equipment with nuts or peanuts”

       “produced in a facility that also processes nuts”

People who are allergic to nuts also have to avoid foods with these statements on the label. Although these foods might not use nut ingredients, the warnings are there to let people know the food may contain traces of nuts. That can happen through something called “cross-contamination,” when nuts get into a food product because it is made or served in a place that uses nuts in other foods.

Some of the highest-risk foods for people with peanut or tree nut allergy include: Biscuits, Lollies & sweets, Ice cream, Asian, African & other cuisines & sauces

It was great to see the article in Saturday’s SMH  (June 11) on the positive aspects on child development when rumbling with Dad.

Recent research by Dr. Fletcher, a researcher on child development at Newcastle University, on rough & tumble play concludes that this time honored past time is beneficial for children.

When “wrestling” with Dad, children learn how not to be aggressive in getting what they want and  to develop skills in socially acceptable ways. Be warned this can take time and  many hours of nurturing attention.

Their bonding and attachment, emotional closeness and connection with their dad are all being built on as they roll around on the floor. It is important to remember that  Dads are not the support act in raising their children, they contribute enormously to how their children grow and develop.

Even though this type of play can appear rough, it is a great way to support your children’s neurological development and build on their emotional and social skills. When done well, rough play teaches kids about boundaries, how to be sensitive to others and when to pull back and regain self-control. Fathers need to take the lead when it comes to halting rough play when it gets out of hand as it inevitably does.  It is the child’s development of this awareness, of overstepping the fine line between what constitutes a game and someone getting hurt that has lifelong benefits.

After 5.00pm in the evenings is not the best time of day for rough and tumble time with Dad,  as it can over stimulate kids before bed time, consequently making it harder for them to settle to sleep. 

 Dads keep up up  this rough play with your kids, knowing that it is fun and lots more!! 

We need to say to no to our kids!  All children need boundaries and limits to make sense of their world and to help them feel safe.  Family life will be flow better if everyone is clear on the rules. And where do children learn these boundaries?  They learn from their parents. If  parents do not have healthy personal boundaries, then it is probable that the children will learn the same behaviours and also have poor personal boundaries.  So if we shout at our kids they will probalby shout at us. If we interrupt them when they are speaking they will probably do the same to us.  You can say no in many ways:-  “It’s not on, it’s not negotiable, remember the rules”.

 In establishing boundaries for your children, it is important to remember where you stand in all this. You are like the coach of a soccer team. Basically you are on their side.  You want them to win!   So you need to take time to understand what is going on with your children and coach them through this learning process. Remember it is a learning process just like learning colours, shapes or how to complete a puzzle! 

 When parents establish boundaries (rules and limits) children gradually learn how to behave, what to expect and how to self regulate their own behaviour. This takes time and patience!  Ensure you have only a few rules and that they are based on health, safety and the welfare of others.  For older children they will be based on respect.  Respect your body, respect others and respect the environment.  Use these as a barometer to ensure your rules are realistic.

In setting limits for young children it is important to have a few simple rules. For example in the car you may decide to use three rules:-
• Seat belts on
• Hands to self
• Quiet voice

Children need to also learn cause and effect. When I act in this way there is a consequence. When I throw my toy it is taken away or when I hit my sister I cannot  play that game anyomore.   It is important to establish realistic expectations of children so that they experience success. It is necessary to remind children of the rules before an outing, activity or event and to be consistent!   Remember you are their parent not their friend.  Providing a loving authorative  environment with clear & consistent boundaries will set your child up with the best start in life. 

Tips:-
• Be patient
 • Establish the rules and consequences
• Tell children the rules
• Be Consistent
• Be a good role model

For more on rules and boundaries book into the workshop next week Monday 6^th June 02  9939 3732 or buy the book “Why Wont My Child Listen”.  It is a great resource for parents.

MOOD SWINGS

When discussing mood swings, the first thing that comes to mind with mood swings is food allergies.  Descriptions of a child who is fine one day and not the next is not normal. It is important to look for the underlying cause. Today practitioners are finding more and more children have food allergies or food intolerances.  Some children will eventually grow out of food allergies. Meantime some actions to take:- 

 FOOD

Immediately remove all foods that are high in sugar such as coco pops, cordials, sweet biscuits, ice cream, sweets and highly processed foods.  Replace with rolled oats, unsweetened muesli and cornflakes. Avoid cordials & juice and give milk or water. Remove foods with colorings particularly red and yellow. Notice if there are any changes in moods. Arrange for allergy testing through blood test, scratch tests or kinesiology. (Kinesiology is the least invasive way to test young children).  Seek advice from your preferred health practitioner.

 Some children are allergic to “healthy foods”, such as wheat, dairy, and even apples!  So best to get it checked out by your preferred health Practitioner. (GP, homeopath, kinesiologist, or naturopath).

 Preservatives can set some kids off: 223, 224, 228 (and many others).

Purchase a book from your local newsagency or book store “The Code Breaker”. MSG is hidden in many foods and can cause mood swings/irritability –It can be listed as 621, ‘flavour,’ 622, 623,624. It is found in soups, biscuits, and even some brands of rice crackers.

Provide frequent nutritious snacks for  young children  – up to  6 ‘meals’ a day as some children “lose” it if stretched for too long without food .  Ensure children drink water regularly and encourage them to sip at least every hour.

 Get a chiropractic check up – if mood swings have started ‘out of the blue’ it may be associated with a fall, a nightmare, following illness or a fever.

Provide a low GI diet for your children. This will sustain their energy so they can better deal with frustration and change. This means providing a protein and a carbohydrate with every meal or snack.

Some ideas would be:-

• Baked beans on toast
• Fruit with nuts and yogurt
• Fruit with cheese
• Ham & tomato
• Chicken & avocado
• Hummus and carrots
• Pasta with mince sauce
• Rice with vegetables
• Scrambled eggs with tomatoes/spinach/beans
• Plain biscuits with peanut butter
• Smoothie with banana, milk, yoghurt, honey (a little), shredded cocoanut, frozen berries, and a couple of teaspoons of almond meal – to add protein and provide longer lasting energy. 

Substitute milk with almond, soy or rice milk.

 TRANSITION/CHANGE

Some children do not manage change easily so it is important to guide them gently through times of change.  Give plenty of warning eg “In ten minutes it will be bath time”  “In 5 minutes we will need to get into the car” etc.

 Commencing day care can be a big change for a young child and it is important to work with the centre to instigate a gradual “settling in” process. If you are concerned that your child may find this really hard, ask them to consider letting your child attend just a few hours a day for a few weeks. 

 BRAIN GYM

Brain Gym is a series of gentle exercises that help children to focus, concentrate and to be calm.  It can help with mood swings. As a brain gym practiotner for many years I have used this in conjunction with dietary changes to help with mood swings. A brain gym practiotner can test to see if your child needs this modality

 RETAINED PRIMITIVE REFLEXES

They are reflexes controlled by the brainstem and associated lower centre of our nervous system. These reflexes develop during pregnancy and are essential for a baby’s survival in the early stages of life.

As a baby’s brain and nervous system mature, these uncontrollable reflexes are no longer needed, and in normal situations the higher centres integrate and take over the primitive reflexes. While everyone has these reflexes they remain with us for the remainder of our life, , it is very important they become integrated or controlled by the higher centres in the brain early in our childhood.  If not remediation is required. A good osteopath can help with this work or a pediatric physiotherapist.

TIPS FOR MOOD SWINGS

• Remove all sugar from the diet
• Provide low GI food to sustain energy
• Drink lots of water
• Check indicators for worms
• Have allergy tests with preferred health practiotner
• Introduce change gently
• Consult a brain gym practitioner
• Consult an osteopath who understands sacro cranial work
• Stay calm

  Symptoms of worms are itchiness, restless sleep or irritability.

Tantrums are most often seen in children at around two years old and gradually taper off by the time a child is three or four.  The two-year old has good intellectual and cognitive skills. Their language skills, however, are often not as sophisticated or advanced as their cognition. While this is quite normal, it also makes things difficult for a child of two or three when they want to express themselves fully, ask for something, or negotiate for what they want.

This can be terribly frustrating for children, so what do they do? They revert to the ‘terrible twos temper tantrum.’

It is helpful to understand temper tantrums. Your child may be:

• Frustrated about not having a need met.
• Frustrated about being unable to do.
• Angry about not having a need met.
• Overwhelmed to the point of losing control.
• Unable to verbalize or articulate their needs – the most likely cause of a temper tantrum

Remain calm. Keeping calm when your child has a tantrum is the most positive way of managing their outburst.  Sit quietly and wait. Avoid talking  as the logical brian is definitley switched off!

Even though you might panic, feel embarrassed or angry yourself, you can teach yourself to stop completely for a moment when things threaten to get out of hand. 

Children compute information more slowly than adults, so they need more time to process your request, or move from one activity or environment to another.  This is known as transition time, and if it is rushed children feel confused, irritable and frustrated and consequently rebel. They need a warning that change is on the way. For under fours allow 15 seconds for them to “compute” your request.

Ensure your child has regular meal and snack times and that the food they eat has enough “low GI content so that their energy is sustained.

Top Tips for Temper Tantrums:

• Know that tantrums are normal.
• Keep calm; this can be hard, but it’s worth the effort.
• Avoid rushing; children need time to take stock of what’s happening.
• Be consistent, it creates a sense of security and engenders respect.